Ben’s Fun Club: How to repair a burst pipe in five easy steps
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Ben’s Fun Club: How to repair a burst pipe in five easy steps
Ben’s Fun Club is a new Attica Digest feature in which Ben breaks down the ‘beauty’ of small business and dispenses some handy renovating tips.
Ben Shewry
Published 26.08.25
Step 1
When you lay your pipe, use a dodgy plumber, cement it deep into your floor, and lay some tiles on top. Seven years later you will be able proceed to step 2. Don’t take a shortcut and use a good plumber – you will be waiting so long for the pipe to burst that your whole life could pass you by. Pro tip – to make this whole experience harder, keep a few spare tiles, just in case, then throw them away two years before you’ll need them.
Step 2.
Locate the burst hot-water pipe buried in the kitchen floor slab. The sound of water running, even when all the taps are off, should be a warning sign. Be a pro like me and use a digital thermometer to locate it. Yep, its hot right there, where it shouldn’t be.
Step 3.
Spend some time swearing. Then spend a day denying that this is a problem at all. Repeat. Submit to the reality that this really is happening to you.
Step 4.
Remember that you once bought a jackhammer from Cash Converters, which you use once a decade. Bring that bad boy down on your slab with furious anger. I’m kidding, don’t do that – you’ll end up with several burst pipes.
Step 5.
Find an Ian. Our Ian is a great plumber. Alongside your Ian, carefully locate the pipe and fix it. Cement, tiles and grout follow and, to me, are the same as cake, filling and icing. Spend a week telling the team, “Boy, that is some pro level tiling right there.” The sun is warm on your face, enjoy it.
